Doctors spend years getting degrees and wasting their time. Just stick things back together and walk it off.
…I honestly don’t have much to say today, so this is going to be a pretty anemic blog post. Actually, let me take this opportunity to post something Charlotte and I talked about when she was four years old. We were in her room playing with her stuffed animals, and she established that we live in a world of dogs. I joked that I wanted to eat one of the dogs.
Her: “No, don’t eat one of the dogs. Here…” she brings over a stuffed dog. “This one’s dead.”
Me: “It’s dead??”
Her: “Yeah. So you can eat it.”
Me: “Oh. Well, that’s considerate and creepy. Where’d you get this dead dog?”
Her: “The store.”
Me: “You bought a dead dog at a store?”
Her: “Yeah.”
Me: “What else do they sell at this store?”
Her: “I dunno. Nothing.”
Me: “So it’s a dead dog store.”
Her: “Yep.”
Me: “What’s the name of the store?”
Her: “World Dead Dog.”
Me: “Wow. What’s their slogan? A slogan is something the store says about itself. McDonald’s is I’m lovin’ it. What’s World Dead Dog’s slogan?”
Her: “I’m Puppin’ it.”
Me: “How much can I buy a dead dog for?”
Her: “Twenty cents.”
Me: “What do you do with a dead dog once you’ve got it?”
Her: “You eat it!”
Me: “Do they come in different flavors?”
Her: “Yep. Chocolate and strawberry.”
Me: “This sounds great, but how do the dogs die?”
Her: “Well, they live to 65 years old, and when they get to 75 they die.”
Me: “And World Dead Dog sells them to eat. Aren’t old dead dogs less tasty than fresh ones?”
Her: “No, they’re delicious!”
Me: “So if my dog dies, can I sell it to World Dead Dog?”
Her: “Yep. Fifty-five cents.”
Me: “They’re not making much of a profit, then.”
Her: “No they’re not.”
Me: “Do they have a kids’ meal?”
Her: “They have little monkeys that kids like to eat.”
Me: “Are the monkeys dead too
?”
Her: “Of course.”
Me: “I thought World Dead Dog sold only dead dogs.”
Her: “Well, they sell a few dead monkeys.”
Me: “I see. Do they do catering?”
Her: “What’s catering?”
Me: “Catering is when a restaurant brings food to a place. So do they go to parties and set up piles of dead dogs on long buffet tables?”
At that point I imagined silver catering trays filled with dead dachshunds and burst out laughing hysterically. I’d been trying to hold it in and just couldn’t anymore.
Oh, hey! Ethan and I are throwing a contest on the Axe Cop Facebook page. It’s the GET REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL contest, in which you tell us how you’d get revenge on that dastardly villainess. The winner gets a bunch of cool signed Axe Cop stuff. Visit the page for details and enter.
I guess that’s it for this week. Big page next week, and from here on out, not one page of REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL isn’t packed with violence. It’s been a peaceful story so far, but things are about to go off. Have a great week.
KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK
“I have a boo-boo in my mouth
and it’s like a toy for my tongue.”
-Charlotte, 5 years old
“Mommy? I wanna be a drag
queen when I grow up.”
-Amelia, 5 years old
I lost it at the dead dog store story. Pretty smart for a four year old.
If one of my daughters told me they wanted to be a drag queen when they grew up, my immediate reply would be “trust me, sweetie, for you to qualify, it would just be way too much effort. If you still want to be a drag queen after you get your engineering degree, we’ll talk about it.”
BUAhahaha!!! Oh my gosh, I want a chocolate dog! YUM!
Also, I totally know what Charlotte means about boo boos in the mouth. When I broke a tooth once I couldn’t stop fidgeting with it even though it was uncomfortable.
Is that where the title for “World Gone Dead” came from?