Appearances

Ask Axe Cop #91 – Mustache Wax

Apologies for the late post.  I had such a busy day on Thursday that I totally forgot to post this.  I took off on quick romantic getaway with my wife and realized I forgot to post Ask Axe Cop.  Luckily it was all ready to post, so I was able to do it remotely.  I mean that in the sense of controlling my computer at home using my tablet, but I also mean remotely as in, I am in the middle of the woods right now on a weak satellite internet connection.

So, here you go.  One of the most bizarre episodes of Ask Axe Cop, and that is saying something.  Turns out we have been experiencing Axe Cop’s second life with-mustache this entire time… all of Axe Cop is the new memories of death bed Axe Cop with a mustache.  Thanks for reading.

Ethan

Page 209 – Title paaage!

Hiya everyone, I hope you’re all having a lovely holiday season filled with… I dunno, holiday stuff.

I took Charlotte to see THE HOBBIT on Friday. She liked it a lot- she got to stay up late and watch a “grown-up movie,” she got all the popcorn she could shove down her throat, and it was just scary enough for her. Charlotte likes scary. Since she was little she’s asked me to tell her scary stories, forcing me to improv not only a horror story, but one that’s good for kids. That’s a tough balance to strike. You have to hit somewhere between scary and too scary, and then you have to consider that some things aren’t scary to kids at all. I did one, once, that was about someone in a house alone getting phone calls from someone that seemed to know what the protagonist was doing. Charlotte said “you can stop now, this isn’t even scary.” Meanwhile, her mother was just about to ask me to stop because it was scaring her to death.

Eventually, I ran out of stories to tell and just began retelling horror movies as scary stories for kids. It’s easy- just boil down the story to its base plot points and tone down the truly horrific parts. Monster movies work best. I don’t recommend trying this with SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, that’s a tricky one. …and if you do, leave out Multiple Miggs.

I trailed off there, for a bit, but yeah: Charlotte enjoyed THE HOBBIT’s kid-sized scary parts. Giant spiders, a dragon, the necromancer, the orcs. And the fighting. Charlotte and Amelia have been shielded from violence all their lives. Now, at 9, Charlotte’s being allowed to see some movies for older audiences. Turns out… she likes violence. When she got home she talked excitedly about Bombur the dwarf “spinning around, killing everyone,” heads getting chopped off and all the instances of Legolas and Tauriel planting arrows through orcs.

You’ll see plenty of Charlotte’s violence in upcoming pages of REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL. For a pair of kids shielded against violence, it’s pretty horrific. People die in all sorts of ways. Fire, bullets, bombs, teeth, poison, axes… and rainbows.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“My friends Grace and Lianna are werewolves.
They turn into werewolves at night and howl
in their room.” She pauses. “They look
creepy even when they’re not werewolves.”
                                        -Charlotte, 5 years old

Mommy: “Mia, what should we do for
dinner tonight, pizza or Halfway Cafe?”
Amelia: “Halfway Cafe.”
Mommy: “Okay. What do they have
that you like to eat?”
Amelia: “Pizza.”
                                        -Amelia, 3 years old

Ask Axe Cop #90 – Law & Order Part 2

I guess crime and punishment would be a better title for this one.  I think some of these are genius, namely the money stealing one.  If you were at SDCC I showed these there and at a couple other cons since.

Ethan

Page 208 – Hot Rainbows

Let this be a lesson to anyone that takes too long in line: know what you want when you get to the counter, or die of hot rainbows.

I believe this marks the first time Axe Cop has melted from surprise outside of the Ask Axe Cop wherein it was revealed as his one weakness. Correct me if I’m wrong. Funnily, Charlotte didn’t know about his one weakness when she wrote this scene. It went something like “Axe Cop is so surprised that he faints.” I told her about his problem with surprise and melting, and things just came together. I tried to make the panel of him melting something of an homage to the original panel, because I really laughed hard when I first saw it. On that note- man, it’s weird to work on something you’ve loved for years.

Today’s Amelia’s birthday. Her nickname is “the bean,” because as a baby she didn’t do much. This led to her being called “beany,” “beanydoo,” and “the beaner,” which we didn’t know at the time was a racial slur. Whoops. She gave herself her own nickname, once. She walked downstairs, held her arms up in muscle poses, and started yelling “I’m a beast! I’M A BEEEEEAST!!!” We have no idea where she got the idea, but it stuck. We use that nickname for when she proves herself to be unnaturally fierce or brave, like when she enjoys getting shots at the doctor’s, or when she launches into one of her hysterically funny silly performances that just come out of nowhere. Her dual nickname has become a Jeckyll & Hyde thing for her. She once said that she’s “beasty during the day, and beany at night.” We don’t really know what that means.

Here’s an Axe Cop guest strip she wrote a while back. I still giggle girlishly about Hulk Wonder’s powers.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Charlotte is drawing a picture of me. She says
“You’re not gonna like this. Not unless
you like tiny hands and squished-up arms.”
                                        -Charlotte, age 6

“”Amn’t I the beaniest?”
                                        -Amelia, age 3

She IS the beaniest. Amelia’s a great kid and I love her madly. She’s very excited about her 6th birthday, so if you’d like to brighten her day, wish her a happy birthday in the comments, would you? I’ll have her read them when she gets home from school.

Thanks everyone! Have a great week.

Ask Axe Cop #89 – Law & Order Part 1

If you have seen me at any recent conventions (since San Diego), you will recognize some of this page and especially the next part.  I present to you: the laws of President Axe Cop.  This episode mostly focuses on what Axe Cop does about jobs and poverty.  I did my best to explain to Malachai the conundrum of politics, and the two sides of the issue… that if you give people too much free money they will not work and earn their own, but sometimes people really do need financial help, so you have to decide who gets free money and how much.  But then of course you have to have some honor about it because otherwise you are just buying votes.  He took it from there and came up with the “love they neighbor law” and the job shock collar.

Well I had a great time in Leeds, and an awesome Thanksgiving in Nashville.  You guys seem to be enjoying Revenge on Rainbow Girl, and so am I.  I think Tom is doing some awesome work.

Amazingly… yesterday I received an email from myself from 6 years ago.  I apparently was up at about 4am on Dec. 4th 2007 and came across a link to a site called “FutureMe.com” and sent myself an email talking about where my life was at and my hopes for the future, as well as some advice for myself.  At the time, I lived in a small attic above a garage.  My band had recently broken up and I was pretty lonely.  I was making very little money because it was my first year really trying to be self employed.  I was just starting to work on Chumble Spuzz vol. 2 and at the time I don’t know if I knew I was going to move to California soon.  I had a horrible sleep schedule… I would stay up all night until 10:00am, then sleep until 6 or 7p.m., totally avoiding the sun.  I drew a TON but I had no idea if it would amount to anything.  In the message I reminded myself to keep in touch with my family, do your best to be a regular part of Malachai’s life, and the lives of my sisters, as well as my other brothers and my parents.  It was so weird to get this email from a version of me who had no idea what he was in for.  Crazy.  I teared up a little as I read it, mostly because I know that guy was painfully lonely and I have never been happier now, married and living in a home with a family, able to provide for them with my income from drawing comics.  I really am in the midst of a dream come true.

Last weekend, season one of Axe Cop ended on FOX.  Axe Cop is not over yet, but we will be in a season break for a while.  If you saw the “Best Fairy Ever” episode, Axe Cop sings the song “Chicken Little” in his band.  The folks at ADHD asked if I could get Malachai to sing how the song would go, so I asked him to call me up and leave a voice mail singing Chicken Little as he heard it in his head.  This is what he recorded.

That’s all I’ve got this week.  Thanks for reading!

 

Ethan

Page 207 – Meet the family

There she is. Rainbow Girl. She can flood a village with rainbows, so watch out and keep your village in line.

…Not having much else to say this week, I thought I’d paste to you a ghost story Amelia wrote last year as we were sitting in chairs around the wading pool, drying off in the sun. She started rambling off a horror story and I recorded it, then typed it out. Here you go.

AMELIA’S HORROR STORY (age 4)

So, once upon a time. You know… a girl was in a gravestone, and one gravestone was open. There was a big cage. And that was the (indecipherable) cage, it said “don’t enter.” And then she goed into… she had her flashlight and she looked everywhere. And then guess what? She hears sharp claws. GRABBED onto her leg! And then it grabbed onto her whole body. She fall on her face, and then “Rarrrr!” It was a black bear. And then it almost ate her but then she runned out and goed back home.

 CHAPTER ONE

 CHAPTER TWO

Then the bear came alive. Now it’s just a ghost, so that’s actually white. So then he runned home. You know how ghosts can go through things? The bear goed through her roof. And goed upstairs. Then it goed upstairs into the attic. And then she saw the ghost. She runned down, runned into its cage, and runned out, runned into her room! She couldn’t find anywhere to hide. So she just… the best place to hide was the quietest place ever. It was empty. It was a perfect hiding places. And then, guess what? She hided, and the ghost didn’t go there because she locked the door. But the bear had keys, and you know he can unlock things? He unlocked it. He goed in, he looked. She had the goodest place ever. Guess where? The cabinet. And then, guess what. She blowed him bubbles. And it popped on him! His body keep going blup, blup, blup, down. And then, guess what, he died.

CHAPTER THREE

There, the ghost found her. His feet was left. His feet had a mouth. She didn’t even know that! And had eyes. And everything a body could have, except legs. Except arms, and legs, and a belly. And they have hands, so it grabbed her. Boom! And then he had hands so he could do that. End of chapter three.

CHAPTER FOUR

The bear ate her.

CHAPTER FIVE

Then the mother and the sister and the father and the brother, the whole family got eaten.

 THE END

She really did say “chapter one,” pause, then say “chapter two” and continue. The story ends on a dark note- Amelia can be spectacularly morbid, but always with a big smile, like she doesn’t know that what she’s saying is really grim. She was singing an impromptu song once that went “My birthday is today, my funeral is tomorrow.” Creepy.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot that months back I recorded the inking of the top panel as a speed art video and did a voiceover of the process. Here it is, check it out.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Once when I was little I tried talking to a dog.
I said ‘ruff ruff ruff.’ It started barking at me and
I thought I’d accidentally said something like
‘your breath smells’ in dog language or something.
I got embarrassed so I said ‘I’m sorry’ and went inside.”
                                        -Charlotte, 7 years old

I let Mia have a handful of change.
“Now I’ve got millions of money!”
                                        -Amelia, 4 years old

Page 206 – When in doubt, improvise

Hiya everyone! Well, last week’s first page seemed to go down smoothly with everyone. Truth be told, Ethan and I were a bit afraid that people would be hesitant to accept an ongoing Axe Cop story from creators other than the Nicolle brothers. Luckily, things went over well and no one groused. That’s good, because we’re in this for the long haul here.

Today, we learned that young Axey’s means of dealing with bad guys isn’t too far off from his adult means. Get ready for lots more shocking and sudden violence in this vein… I think shocking and sudden violence will prove to be a hallmark of this story. One example in particular is, I think, destined to go down in Axe Cop history as one of his more rash actions against bad guys. Trust him, though. He’s Axe Cop. He knows what he’s doing.

If anyone wants to commission some art from me or is just curious to see more of what I do, you can look at my rapidly-becoming-outdated portfolio site, or go to my Facebook page. In recent years I’ve found myself doing a lot of album artwork for metal bands, which is okay, but those guys want an album cover choked with details, and they don’t want to pay for the time it takes to create it. I’ve been hoping to expand into more comics work, so… hit me up if you’ve got a project.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Charlotte: “what’s sheep meat?”
Me: “What?”
Charlotte: “What’s sheep meat?”
Me: “sheep meat??”
Charlotte: “Yeah.”
Me: “Mutton.”
Charlotte: “What?”
Me: “Mutton.”
Charlotte: “What’s mutton?”
                                        -Charlotte, age 8

Amelia has requested, for dinner,
“chicken wif the handle
like chomp chomp chomp.”
She means chicken drumsticks.
                                        -Amelia, age 5

Next week, we return to the present day and see what this flashback is leading up to. Also, next week, we finally meet Rainbow Girl herself.

Ask Axe Cop #88 – Our Noble Sun

Howdy folks,
Ethan’s out on travel for the next little while, so he asked Tom and myself to mess the place up a bitkeep things up and running while he’s out. We’ll be responsible adults*, promise.

I’m sure you all have already seen the first page from Tom’s set of guest strips. I’ve gotten to read ahead and I think you guys are going to love this series. After the decidedly “adult” turns (love, sacrifice, romance, etc.) that the “Axe Cop Gets Married” storyline took, “Revenge on Rainbow Girl” seems to be a return to levels of silliness and straight out Kid Logic(tm). We’ll see if Malachai is open to making it canon, but I certainly hope so. Oh, and spoilers: Snape kills Gandalf! Also, Donnie Darko is actually Finkel and Einhorn.

But enough frippery! Down to business.

This Saturday’s Axe Cop on Fox ADHD features an all-new character, invented purely for the show: Turkey Turkey. He’s definitely a Bad Guy Who Is Up To No Good. Ethan thought you all might enjoy a few of the concept sketches before you get to watch him in motion at 11pm Eastern** on Fox.

TurkeyTurkey

Click to embiggen! Then watch on Saturday night, and tell your friends to beware of Turkey Turkey!

PS: Hot Topic is doing a test run on sales of Axe Cop t-shirts featuring Wexter. Now, I’m not saying that if sales are good enough, they’ll order more and soon kids the world over will be wearing the shirts with nary a hint of irony and that massive royalties will come streaming in, thus ensuring that Axe Cop will turn into a franchise that is eventually written by Ethan’s great-great-grandchildren, amusing countless generations of kids and adults and bringing about world peace***, no sir. But Hot Topic will order more shirts, so tell your friends to buy them. Also, they’re selling t-shirts whereon Axe Cop looks like Rosie the Riveter. I think you know what to do.

* As responsible as two adults given the reins to a website dedicated to posting comic strips invented by children can be, that is.

** More like 11:38PM Eastern. Stupid football/local news.

*** World peace or new uniforms? Asked and answered.

Page 205 – What the heck?

Hiya. I’m Tom, and welcome to the first page of REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL. This story is written by my two nieces and drawn and colored by me. This is step 3 in a 16-step plan to subtly manipulate Ethan as a contact and get my own TV show. Don’t tell Ethan I’m abusing him as a contact; he doesn’t die until step 14 and I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

So as it turns out, I’ve got these things called blog posts to go along with the comic strips. I wasn’t ready for that. I guess I’ll get into it by starting with why I’m doing this, and why I like Axe Cop: kids are hilarious. I know a lot of people with little kids in their lives, and the kids have always just said something hysterical. What these people don’t always do is what I’ve been doing since the girls were little, and I’m going to recommend it to everyone here- write down their quotes. I keep a Google Doc full of things the kids have said, grouped by how old they were when they said it. What I’m planning to do is give each kid a quote of the week whenever I post.

Considering I’m the much-worshiped frontman of metal band Lich King, this’ll probably endanger my reputation as the Ice Cube of thrash metal*, because adoration of the cute things kids say isn’t supposed to be a trope of thrash guys. We’re supposed to enjoy violence and apathy and 80s action movies and zombies and beer. In light of that, if you’re a metal guy that’s put off by that I love little kids and now you can’t like my band, I guess it doesn’t bother me if you take a walk because you’re not the kind of person I want enjoying my band anyway. Metal is supposed to be fun. Hug a puppy now and then, you miserable churl.

KIDS’ QUOTES OF THE WEEK

Amelia: “Ow. Charlotte’s hitting me!”
Me: “Charlie, what are you doing?”
Charlotte: “She just told you.”
                                        -Charlotte, age 8

Picking crabapples from the tree in the kids’ yard,
Amelia points to one and I pick it for her.
Amelia: “Thank you Unca Tommy. You’re a good
picker and no car could ever run you over.”
                                        -Amelia, age 3

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy REVENGE ON RAINBOW GIRL as much as I did listening to it being written on the fly by two awesome little kids. I’ll be back next week with page 2!

*…No one calls me the Ice Cube of thrash metal. I call myself that in hopes that it’ll stick.

Ask Axe Cop #87 – Sensing Perfection

This episode ties into the end of Axe Cop Gets Married. He is able to look at a baby and determine if it is a boy or a girl using these same powers.  The bottom left panel is the closest thing to something sexual we have had in the Axe Cop comic.  It’s also just really weird seeing him with no mustache.  I feel like we have slowly been peeling away the mysteries of Axe Cop’s head in Ask Axe Cop.  We took his hat off, we shaved his mustache… all that is left is to see his actual eyes.  Maybe some day.

Just a reminder that next Tuesday, Axe Cop: Revenge on Rainbow Girl begins.  Check out the interview with artist Tom Martin I posted last Tuesday and the preview art we posted.

Saturday night, one of my favorite Axe Cop episodes is airing on FOX.  When Night Creatures Attack.  I think I actually like it better than the Halloween episode it is based on.  I like the design of the night creatures.  They remind me a of a combination of the Attack the Block creatures and Sam Keith’s “Isz”.

Ethan